Relieved..

After 13 years, I finally got the chance to talk to my 'high school crush'. Thru a common friend, we somehow got re-connected thru email and it's a nice feeling to re-live some highschool memories. Some made me irksome and some well, the heck with them...
Anyway, during those years she was the girl who caused the never-ending hyperventilation in my daily highschool life. She was an image, a chinese goddess whose long hair made her float whenever she sways her head. And when she walked passed by taking those tiny divine steps, I melted away everytime like an ice cube on a hot sizzling day. For four darn years, I felt feverish and exuberant whenever I saw her.
The girl who I wanted to be with and yet was in reality an unreachable dream. She was Chinese. Very fair-skinned and spoke another language and I was a descendant of Lapu-lapu. Perfect chocolate-brown. Period. It was in school, an unspoken rule not to even try to involve oneself with Chinese girls. My best friend once punned, „Siya langis, ikaw latak.(She's scented oil and you're sediment )“. She belonged to a rich family, and I, from a not-even-middle-class.
Nevertheless, she was the object of my affection, who inspired the whole highschool life. Everyday was awesome just be looking at her from afar. I was a school boy who had this huge crush on this cute little girl with a cute dimple on her cheek and a long beautiful hair.
Thus, I resorted to sketching her face-in a way, I don't have to be near her and yet I can still 'touch' her face and 'caress' it. Those were the only times, when I'd be able to dream a surreal nice daydream until my peers would notice the sketch and grab it from me and then wave it to others so to embarrass me or worse, pass it to others so I'd end up chasing after my sketch.
One time, I was sketching her when suddenly a classmate sprung up from behind, took the sketch, ran to her and showed the sketch. All I could do was duck under a desk.
For cryin' out loud I couldn't even breathe when she was 2 meters away from me!! I felt like suffocating! Literally, she took my breath away. Heck I don't know why, but I never had the guts to look her in the eye.
In one oratorical contest, I rehearsed so many times that I was sure to win. Once onstage, I mustered my confidence and began my piece. Halfway through, I saw her... Blackout. No word. Nothing. Just her face on my mind. Naturally, I lost.
I then, tried making poems-that way I can compose it secretly. And there were no audience to boo my act. To my delight some of them were published in the campus organ. Gradually, I felt the inkling of it and kept most of my poems about her and other poems on a notebook. That made me happy.
But then there was this guy..who I've learned had a crush on her since early kindergarden (Oh my goodness!). I knew I couldn't compete with him. He was rich, chinese, chauffered to the school and they were most of the time classmates since they both took chinese classes. He was like a bloodhound sniffing around and after her whereever she went. He looked as if he owned her. I wanted to beat the living daylights out of him. I hated the guy. So by grace given from up above, I got my chance. Since I earned most of the teacher's trust to record quizzes and exams, I (naughtily) lowered all his grades most throughout highschool. Some of them I flunked just to get even. (Heaven forgive me!!) (I really need to personally apologize to him if I get the chance.)
Still I was miserable when I saw him around her.
By this time, our Literature class teacher asked us to write a short story or essay as individual project. I made one. A gory short story entitled Mary (her first name) in which I was the lowly gardener who worshipped the beautiful Mary, who was bequethed to a certain rich man, who I murdered...carved out his heart and eyes and so on and so forth. Our teacher gave me a good grade but detested the story as a bloody nonsense plot!( He never knew the background of it all).
Later on I learned Mary and the rich chinese guy were dating during college and I...well, I can't carry on a real-life murder plot, can I?
So I bid my time and focused on college and went about life after it. I was in Australia, talking to my best pal over the phone, when he told me that 'the Mary' was going out with another of our closest pals during highschool-the guy who grabbed one of my sketches and showed it to her whilst I duck under the desk. I fell off my chair!

Oh well, life is like a box of chocolates, you'd be surprised at what you get.
By now, she's enjoying single blessedness (thank goodness she didn't end up with those losers). And it's a relieving thing that she too matured and considered our emails an enlightening long-overdue talk, which overjoyed me. Hurrah!! The next time I see her I promise to look her in the eye and say Hey, You! You made my wonder years!
Really appreciate it MC, thanks once again. Dinner? My treat? Next time I visit CDO? lol

Rain gently pours....

November came smoothly this year. The weather has been quite mild and there had been no crazy-out-of-the-blue-sudden snowfalls. The rains came though. It poured mercilessly for days. I decided to stop working for a while and just enjoy the small view of the rain from a tiny window.
Back in the Philippines, I often enjoyed and played in the rain. I loved running and shouting at the sky when thunder roars simulatenously.
Back then, I loved the refreshing rain. It has always revived me. During my youth, the sight of a gloomy sky signalled my glee to expect rain. I would dance at the first trickle of drops I saw at the window pane.
Now, I wondered was it the rain or my childhood which I missed? Or both?
These days, I don't notice that much joy when I stare at a dark dreary sky. Perhaps, I've outlived my inquisitive days or the thought of the cold freezing rain in Europe makes me sick to believe otherwise.
I've made poems in highschool about rain. It touched me and one can only reflect so. I even cried in it-it helped washed the tears away easier..

To My Immortal Beloved

Years have passed and yet I still grieve for you; for us. Time and Chance happeneth not to us-for we parted like dew in early morn sunrise. Too young, too beautiful to die young.
In our youth how circumstance torn us. My heart weeps whenever I think of you, my life, my fire, my other half.
Endless nights of sighing-full of woeing. I whisper your name in many of my dreams.
I recall the time when death conjured us. Tykes we were chanced upon to meet-A bier layed before us as we first saw each other.
And like many, it also haunted us. But oh! So soon. So soon.
If I only knew, you disapproved your marriage. You knew you never could've loved him. But you said nothing of the matter. You only glanced at me-a deep silent concern I read from your eyes-they troubled me.
If I only knew of your ailment which you concealed from me. You reasoned you were not worthy of my love. It riddled me my whole life why and how unworthy you were for me. If I only knew, how deep you really loved me-which you tried to disdain even until your deathbed.
Your last correspondence proved your profound hidden feelings. Was it too late, my beloved. Much too late to repair and redeem. You were bound to another man and to your firstborn.
However, you wished to be with me. In your silence, you wished to be with me. Was it too late, much too late.
How I dearly loved you. I dreamt all my life to be with you. But somehow Fate permitted us not to.
If I can only turn Time. If I only can. I would tell you how much I really dearly loved you from the very night we stood in front of the bier. But I can only wish...
Now my life, my fire-the flame you gave me now lies in cinders. I walk alone in this world a corpse, cold and wanting. To want the warmth of your touch, to caress your poignant face, to refresh my thirst for love and intoxication. All is lost...How now my beloved immortal? How now?
In Memoriam-Aya

From Salt to Sound

Once, I dreamt of travelling to the imaginary, hilly land of Salzburg. I guess, every child would fantasize of reaching such a place where one can sing to his delight-the songs which the children Von Trapp sang in the captivating film 'The Sound of Music'.
After 20 years, I finally fulfilled one childhood dream-to sing 'Doe-A-Deer-A-Female-Deer' in Salzburg. Boy, was it funny and heartwarming to enjoy singing the songs in the city where Mozart was born. And this time-my son came along. He too, became a bit too involved with the singing. Most of the time, he sang 'Do-Re-Mi, unfortunately the same three notes over and over again inside the car. It was a bit too much for one's ear.
To recollect the same scenes of the movie where the children Von Trapp went about in drapes, I had to watch the film again in Vienna (more than 200kms from Salzburg) before we started the journey. I wanted to orient myself the position of the sun and the cathedral and steeples and the statues etc etc. and really take good pictures to send to my mother-who at one time during my childhood, revealed to me her fascination about the film. My toddler awed as he too watched the film. He begged once more to watch the scenes of which the chilren were singing merrily the famous songs. I think it infected him.
So I tried to retrace the scenes inside my head as we drove towards Salzburg.. Adding to my luck, the weather cooperated as I had prayed for.
The city was majestic from afar. A 'burg' or 'castle' sits proudly on top of a mount overlooking the whole plains. As we arrived, fog was encircling the the foot of the castle and succumbing the ancient city. A beautiful jewel as one poet described it.
For one whole day, together with my family and a good friend, we tried to go about the city-it was a splendour. Indeed a rarity.
To my surprise, my Austrian friend wondered why I knew so much about the views. I told him about the film. Sadly, he admitted he never knew the film itself. Most Austrians don't, as I later found out. The film 'Sound of Music' won Oscars in Hollywood and became a celebrated classic, outside of Austria. The songs in the movie were 'Hollywood-composed' and not Austrian folklore songs. But of course, the city has profitted from the film and thus invited tourists from all over the world. Today, one can find 'Sound of Music Panorama' tours or 'Fraulein Maria's Bicycle Ride Tours' and alike tours around the city. And puppet theatre pieces based from the film, still run all year long. I don't think Julie Andrews can still hop and run nowadays as she used to more than 40 years ago so they now used hand-made puppets instead.
But really, I recommend you to run amok around the city like you don't care-and sing the songs from the movie-you'd have a perfect good time! (A bit embarrassing but heck, you only live once!)
Nevertheless, I saw it-the famous city of Salzburg in the month of October in the year of our Lord 2008 and fulfilled a once-bleak childhood dream...
The Hills are alive...with the Sound of Music...basta!

That's Christopher Plummer behind me! He had enough...

Getaway

The memory of the beach during daytime as it connects aura and the soft breeze which softened the heat captivates my soul.
The endless howls of the wind and the dogs at night haunts. Utterly dark and mysterious were those shadows lurking under the moonlight beam. Counting the stars on a deep dark night humbled my rage. And reminded me of my place. And shooting stars showered a grand show sprinkling their fancy colors on the nightsky once in a while. Gone were the utter desperation and boredom felt at home. Sucked by the immaculate warmth and refreshment of the salty air. Friendships written on sand and memoirs. Made during the blossoms of youth.

The tumbling of boulders and the pursuit of catching a meal along the beach still tickles the excitement I once had for life.
The early morn swim on such crystal clear water refreshes the drive to discover more. The blithe of freedom and equivalence.
There were no alcohol nor drugs to intoxicate the memory. Just pure joy.
Everyday was life afloat and washed unto the shore where the waves want it.
Oh! how that bay enriched my adolescence and quenched the desire out of life. Independently. To live and pursue.
Memories of Medina

Summer 1990

Tour Guiding!

There was once a period when I engaged in 'Guiding Tourists' in the province of Palawan. The adventure was enthralling as the place was. Little did I know, would I be able to meet people and animals from all walks of Genus. Added bonus were the experiences with other 'terrorist guides' or visitors 'terrorizing the guides' in Palawan. Bato-bato sa langit, tabi-tabi lamang po. (My apologies to those who cannot understand Pilipino).

Tour Guide OJT
OJT-'Welcome po everyone to Iwahig Penal Farm Colony.We are now approaching the landmark called...'
(biglang natulala)
(May nagbulong)- 'Psst! Jubilee Cross, Jubilee Cross!'
OJT- '...ah yes, we are now approaching Angelus.'

Red Tide
Turistang Manilenya – 'Manong Tour Guide, bakit namumula ang tubig sa Honda Bay today?
T.G- 'High Tide kasi ngayon Ma'am. Di ba ang babae minsan kabuwanan. Ganun din ang dagat kasi'

Karst
(Upon approaching a Limestone Rock Formation an American Tourist excitedly asked the Tour Guide)
American Guest – Oh my god, what are those?
(Ang nakaid-lip na (kawawang) Tour Guide nagulat sa tanong at karakarang sumagot)
T.G.- 'It's d rocks! Bigger dan d stones!'

Getting to Know You
T.G.- Magandang umaga po sa inyong lahat. Maligayang pagdating po sa Palawan. Ma'am, Sir ako po si____ ang inyong Tour Guide sa araw na ito.Pwede po bang malaman kung taga-saan kayo maam, sir?
Male Tourist (mukhang galit)-Ako si Bert taga Manila. Eto Misis ko! Si Nene. Taga Ilo-ilo. Ilongga sa araw, Aswang sa gabi.

Tsuper
(Drayber nakikipag-usap sa Tour Guide)- Alam mo Barok, hirap talaga pag misis mo maganda, no. Nakita mo kanina yung bisita natin. Yung lalake ang pangit talaga. Ang misis nya ubod ng ganda at seksi pa. Tingnan mo. Grabeng kapit yung lalaki sa babae. Akala mo lilipad ang babae. Hoy Barok! Narinig mo ba sinasabi ko. Saan ka na ba?
(May Tinig na Sumagot)- Oo. *%&+!! lahat ng pinagsasabi mo! Dinig na dinig ko! Pangit pala ha! Hoy Tsuper kang §$%*+! Paki-alamero ka $%&§! Irereklamo kita sa Travel Agency! Tingnan nating kung sinung mawalan ng trabaho!

Unggoy-unggoyan

Nagkagulo sa Picnic Area ng Underground River Area. Isang supot ang tinangay ng isang unggoy. Dali-daling tinakas at binuksan sa itaas ng puno. Maya-maya'y may narinig.

Turista-Aray ko! Bwisit na +*$%&! unggoy yun ah! Tinakas na nga tinapay namin. Binato pa uli sa akin! Mamang Tour Guide! Bakit ba nambato yun ng tinapay? Tinamaan ako o!

Tour Guide- (tiningnan ang tinapay). Maam kaya pla kayo binato. Putok (Sputnik sa Cebuano) kasi tinapay ninyo. Ayaw nila ng matigas na tinapay.

OJT
(On-d-Job-Trainee Tour Guide)-Ladies n gentlemen, Welcome to the Iwahig Fenal Farm Colony.On your left, as you can see, are rice pelds. And to your right... (biglang napatigil) You see... you see.. also rice pelds.. (biglang nagbulong) Ang dami palang rice felds dito no?

Barok Files copyright

Being Friends

It's been 20 years since I met Jesse or 'Bullets' as they call him. We met in elementary school and I'm grateful that we crossed each other's path.
I can't recall how many lunches he's shared with me since 1988. But I do recall him throwing his lunchbox up on the air when he saw our girl classmate-she took her false teeth and forgot to put them back-he freakin' freaked out. Our supposedly 'lunch' were all on the dusty floor. We went hungry but laughed the whole day.
And yes there were adventures and mishaps and sneaking inside the Chem Lab was one of them. We were always amazed when chemicals change color when mixed with other solutions. Only the janitor found out about it.

Other important rooms were also explored, i.e. Teacher's Faculty Room, The Library...We had fun manipulating 'order'. We had this idea of becoming detectives and spies-so we 'hit' most record books. Our favorite past time was the Lib-we joined the Librarian after Lunch Break for her afternoon nap. And we slept mostly inside the Lib-it was very quiet.
I spent most weekends also at Jesse's home and I wanted to hang out with people my age . No one was interesting at our own house. We'd hike or go through crevices just to fill our thoughts on adventure. Or play computer games just like ordinary boys.

However, on a certain Saturday, we noticed a big hornet hive just above Jesse's garage doorway. I didn't know what became of me-I picked up a stone and threw it. It made a big hole on the hive, but the hornets weren't so angry or so I thought. Monday came. Jesse was utterly silent as I approached him in the school playgrounds. Then, he faced me. His other eye was swelling. One hornet got revenge!
Our seat arrangement during the entire High School was always the same. He sat always in front of me. 'My human shield' if ever a teacher decided to throw an eraser at me.
In college, we separated ways but didn't lose touch. I took a different course and he, as well but we were on the same college institute. We barely had time to catch up. I was busy with studies and my work. And he was engaged with a lot of study-related-projects.

After graduation, I left for Palawan to help my family's business. After 2 years roaming the jungles in Palawan, we were reunited and worked together in a Spanish-government-funded project based in Camiguin Island. More misadventures came.
One day, Jesse begged me to drive him up to a highland community 'coz he himself didn't know how to drive a motorbike. I refused due to the gloomy weather from the volcano's peak. Stubborn as he is, my friend resented my refusal and took the motorbike. As we saw him from the office balcony driving away, I told another colleague 'He'll break a bone.' Jesse drove back minutes later, one arm limping.
We decided to share a very small bed-space room (about 7 sq.m.) in Mambajao, Camiguin. He had a single bed and I had a double bed. My ex-girl (who was German) visited me and decided to stay over for the night. Jesse was in panic! He's not spoken about it. But I somehow knew. During the night, my ex-girl and I were merely whispering as not to wake Jesse up. About 3 a.m., Jesse suddenly spoke out loud, 'I'm awake!' (He later confessed he couldn't sleep at all!!)
I left for Australia that same year and travelled to some other places-Jesse and I still kept in touch. I learned later on, he too left Camiguin and took some jobs in Cagayan de Oro.
In 2004, I went back to the Philippines,had a short-stint in Bukidnon and in a few occasions, I caught up with him. We had a few beers and well nothing seemed to have changed, although his hair was beginning to recede. We still laughed at the same old jokes.
I moved to Austria and got a son-Jesse engaged himself in the medical field and remains single 'til now.
After 20 yrs, we still keep in touch. Jesse's hair has vanished quite a bit. The scalp more visible. Nevertheless, we still laugh at the same old jokes...Am still glad we crossed each other's path.

Fall 2008
Vienna, Austria